As interpreted by TRI N. ERNEST
My your a big guy. I guess players don't monkey around with you in this game. When did you first begin to take an interest in football BRUNO?" Asked TRI N. ERNEST.
"Big?! ooh, ooh, big, yeah, that me big.....big BRUNO! Football?! What take football? Did someone take BRUNO'S ball away?! BRUNO get mad, BRUNO punish, BRUNO no like football touched." BRUNO shrieked.
"Calm down BRUNO! No one took your football. I asked you, when did you become interested in football?" TRI N. ERNEST asked calmly. "You know, the game that you play!"
"BRUNO play football! BRUNO good at play. BRUNO like play football. Me 'BIG BRUNO'." BRUNO hollered.
TRI N. ERNEST, tried again. "That's right, you're big BRUNO and you like to play football. So how old were you when you started playing football?"
"Football?! BRUNO big at play. BRUNO play big. We play football. BRUNO bigger than football when start. You want BRUNO show you football?" BRUNO grunted excitedly.
"You've been playing football at this college for a long time. You must have gotten a scholarship I presume. What are you majoring in and what do you plan on doing after you graduate?"TRI N. ERNEST questioned.
"BRUNO smart, all football players smart. BRUNO have two majors, study be a dokter or maybe BRUNO become speak teecher or spell teecher. Maybe BRUNO become ballet dancer. BRUNO good wit people. BRUNO fix people, make good dokter." BRUNO grinned broadly.
"Tell me all about this game and what you and your teammates do. What do you guy's talk about when you're in a huddle and why do players always swat each other on the rear?" Questioned TRI N. ERNEST.
"BRUNO, Quarterback, BRUNO tell team what to do. BRUNO tell Receiver look up in air, run fast, catch football. Receiver ask BRUNO what happin if utter team intercepts football instead of him not make catch! BRUNO say, tell utter team give football back! Then Receiver want know what do if utter team won't give ball back. BRUNO say, ask pritty please. Then Receiver want know what do if dat not work. BRUNO say, you tell utter team that not fair and you start crying real loud, you tell him dat not nice. You make scary face, say BRUNO come jump on him and make him give ball back. Din, when git ball back I kick tru dat thing at the end of the field dat look like da letter U........Receiver no learn alphabet, So BRUNO 'splain it to him. BRUNO say letter U come before letter M. Tight-end say dat not right,he say letter O come before letter U. Defensive-guy say that not right either, letter R come before U. Din the Line-Man say that wrong too. He say the letter U come after letter O Din da Running-back say we all wrong that the letter U come after letter N. BRUNO say o.k. din BRUNO swat bottoms of players to make dem 'member game plan. Din BRUNO go hut, hut, hut. BRUNO git ball and tro it real hard to Receiver. Receiver catch football, dat be good. BRUNO git MAD if Receiver no catch. BRUNO make Receiver pay for not catch football. Receiver not like BRUNO to make him pay for not catching football. BRUNO no care, BRUNO shove football down Receiver's throat. BRUNO say bad Receiver, no do dat again! Say........................... you want BRUNO show you how play football?!" BRUNO stomped wildly.
"Sorry BRUNO, I don't see a football on the field. I'm not very good at football anyway." TRI N. ERNEST explained as he lost his sense of humor. "NO football?!! BRUNO turn you into football. BRUNO have big hand. BRUNO squish you into football. BRUNO tro you. You make good football. BRUNO pick you up and kick you tro goal post. Dat be fun for BRUNO. Din BRUNO be happy." BRUNO thumped his chest.
"Gee, thanks anyway BRUNO. Say, I think there's a guy over there with 'your football' from someone reading this article. I'll bet he would really like to play with you?!! TRI N. ERNEST ran away quickly.
"My ball??!!" Snorted BRUNO through flared nostrils. "BRUNO fix him good."
"NO JOKE, IT KIND OF MAKES US WONDER 'how many gorilla's are in our midst', BRUNO'S a chimp off the old block..........NO PUN-T INTENDED." AND MOST CERTAINLY NO-OFF-ENSE TO THE READERS OF THIS STORY THAT SOMEHOW ENJOY FOOTBALL, YOU ARE PROBABLY JUST AS BRILLIANT AS BRUNO