QUESTION:
I have a question about the best way to create a website and I was wondering if you could make a few suggestions?
ANSWER:
That's easy, there are many ways to create an efficient and appealing website and of course I will be more than happy to suggest my approach. First, get an idea, that's the easy part. It's best to choose a topic that you know nothing about. once you have made a decision, get a thingy called a 'TEMPLATE', (it kind of looks like a sheet of paper with stuff on it that you can add your own stuff). You can save yourself a considerable amount of money by making up one yourself. Just get a sheet of paper and a box of crayons. Be different and creative, after all, you don't want your website to look like anyone else did the work for you. Then you'll want to have links to different pages on your website. It doesn't make any difference where they go just as long as they go somewhere. That makes it fun and entertaining for people viewing your website and trying to find a certain page. They appreciate the fact that you have created something for them to do and that will keep your visitors busy for hours. Then you need to have things called 'META-NAMES' and 'META-TAGS'. Search engines use things called 'WEB-CRAWLERS' or 'SPIDER-BOTS' that look for those. They are pretty darn scary looking critters and get mad real easy, so be certain that you don't have anything on your website that might upset them. Be absolutely sure that you don't have 'GLOBAL' links, especially the kind of 'GLOBAL' links that you have a link back to someone else on your website, (THOSE ARE CALLED BACK LINKS). The 'WEB-CRAWLERS' will give you a page rank of 0 if they have to read all of those. Make certain that your website content does not match any words that you have used in the 'META-NAMES' and 'META-TAGS' either. For an example; if you have a website about 'FISHING', be sure to use 'META-NAMES', called (KEYWORDS), that should say (peanut, peanut butter, peanut butter and jelly, butter, flowers, fruit, vegetables). Anything not related to the content in your website about 'FISHING', this is absolutely critical! Of course it may present a problem if you use the word 'JELLY', they may interpret that to mean a 'FISH', so don't use that one. Then for your 'META-TAG', write a short and brief description like; flowers like peanut butter and we got lots of that here stuff on our webbed sight and I likes ta eat them. Be certain to misspell a lot of your words too....the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' love that. If you insist on having 'BACK-LINKS' , make certain that it is NOT in any way related to the contents on your website. For a 'FISHING' website, you will want to have a 'BACK-LINK' to a website that specializes in canned fruit or vegetables. That gives the 'SPIDER-BOTS' something to laugh about and the more unrelated 'BACK-LINKS' that you have the better. Be sure to check that those websites that you are using have a page rank of 0 or less. After all, your website has a page rank of 0 when you first start out and the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' love to see an equal rating. Also, the 'WEB-SPIDERS' like to see that you got your 'BACK-LINKS', sometimes called (RECIPROCATING LINKS) or (EXCHANGE-LINKS), from farming places, that shows that you care about the environment. Now you are ready to submit your website to all of the 'SEARCH ENGINES' so that your site will be indexed. You don't need to have your website completed to submit it first, the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' and the 'SEARCH ENGINES' enjoy that. Never submit a URL, that stands for (YOUR REALLY LOST), that looks like this http://www.thelaughtime.com, it makes it very confusing for the search engines. Make it simple, just put in 'W. I AM HERE'. Be certain to leave as many spaces between your letters too, that way you are assured of being indexed. Whatever you do, keep repeating your 'META-NAMES' and 'META-TAGS' exactly the same on every page on your website as you did on the first page. That way you are almost guaranteed a higher page rank. Make sure to use lots of big pictures too, don't waste your time on a lot of written stuff, that's a waste of time and the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' hate to read. If you are using a 'WYSIWYG WIZARD', that stands for (WHEN YOU SEE IT WATCH YOUR GATE), that will pretty much do the work for you. However, it's much better to use your own 'HTML', that stands for (HOT TOMATOES MOSTLY LAUGH). All it takes to make an 'HTML' document is to make up things like this; < /> href.={#}008% etc., It's real easy, just use stuff that you normally wouldn't type. It doesn't have to be in any particular order either and it's loads of fun. After all, it's a computer and computers are smart and it will figure it all out for you because they know what you're thinking! Now wasn't that easy?
Our thanks for this story from THE LAUGH TIME. This is an example of how NOT to do a website! Note the political correctness. I enjoy their sarcastic attitude for receiving a Page Rank. Their website is one of the few clean sites that do not use profanity, nudity nor vulgarity and no pop ups. Their website is at http://www.thelaughtime.com